Folks, my watch is off, thrown into chaos by this blasted leap year. Should capitalize that? No! I will not!

My watch reads a day ahead. Since February 29, it has insisted that it exists 24 hours into the future. Every time I look at it, I move into a near-dream state. I know, it's my fault. I don't how to correct the problem. Further, it is also my fault that I purchased a timepiece that displays the date.
My Aunt Fanny was kind enough to accompany me a several reconnaissance trips to Penneys -- as we call it -- to survey the displayed wrist watches, and some pocket watches as well, which were never really in the running.

I once owned a pocket watch, but on a frightful afternoon in the fall of 1994 it dislodged itself from my belt loop and dropped into a volcano. I was having what I thought was a harmless glance into the steaming stew below, along with other tourists in the group. I felt a sense of camaraderie, and then promptly became like the village idiot for losing my brand new watch to the heat of the Earth's blood.
I cannot -- will not -- put myself through that agony again.

And so, Aunt Fanny and I focused our efforts on the wrist watch display at Penneys. It was she who offered, "Why do you need the date on your watch?" or some such query. And I, a renegade in her estimation, simply told her that having a reference to both date and time would be useful, if not a luxury.
She called me a spendthrift and I told her she should consider reducing her beehive hairdo from four to two feet. Suffice it to say, we lost our grip on proper public behavior and were escorted from the premises.

However, we returned a week later in disguise, she as a scarecrow and I as a pantomime, to make the purchase of a new wrist watch that now lies to me about the date every chance it gets.


Your weekly reduction comes in the form of beverages.
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