Just the other day I was clipping my talon-like toenails over the kitchen trash can when a fierce and rapid pounding came upon my back door. It rang out just as I was pinching the clippers, which broke my concentration and prompted me to clip too low on my big toe nail.
The pain was immediate, as though it was always there waiting for me to recognize it.
I wailed, and to my surprise my shouts were echoed on the other side of the door.
"Malcolm!" the voice yelled.
It repeated my name until I hobbled to the door and cracked it.

Before I go on, have you heard about this:

Sous vide -- French for “under vacuum” -- is a cooking technique in which food is vacuum sealed in a specially designed pouch and slow cooked in water at precision temperatures until it is cooked.

I should have known it would be my childhood friend and current neighbor Sherwood Day.
He asked about my state, and I told him that if it weren't for his unannounced visit I would be sitting like a peach. He glossed over an apology and then shoved a 33-inch album to my face.
"You must hear this!" he pleaded with his head shielded behind the album cover.
I squinted and pulled myself away to make out the image gravitating in front of my nose, then placed two fingers atop the album and gently pushed it down.
"Sherwood, I'm grooming."

Forgive me, but I must share this little piece of research with you:
The number of consumers using private-label food and beverage products continues to rise, but U.S. consumers are losing their enthusiasm for these value-oriented options, according to a recently released report by The NPD Group.

At any rate, young Sherwood demanded that I listen to the album, a work of American blues by a long deceased individual name Blind Willie McTell. I have yet to listen to it because of Sherwood's verbose explanation of why this was one of the most important recordings in the past 100 years. I find that very hard to believe, I told him. He scoffed.
"You know little, perhaps less."
The audacity.

I don't want to forget to tell you about this:
New research finds numerous benefits to children associated with having frequent family meals, including increased intake of fruits, vegetables, fiber, calcium-rich foods and vitamins. In addition, the more a family ate together the less children consumed dietary components thought to be harmful to health such as soda.

Sherwood has pelted me with such insults since we were children, and over the years I've built a thick defense against it. I look to the top of his head and tell him that a grasshopper is leaping around his crown. I've applied the technique dozens of times, and it has yet to fail. He abandons his berating and rustles his own hair with both hands. It's quite a sight.

Lastly, you must be made aware of this:
Can we lower the calories, fat and sodium while we maintain or increase the availability of positive nutrients, such as fiber or potassium?

I have pledged to both myself and to Sherwood Day that I shall never listen to Blind Willie McTell based on the principal that I do not accept music recommendations from foul-mouthed neighbors who lead me to injure myself while clipping my toenails. My father lived by the same maxim, and I see no reason to veer from his doctrine.

Please don't leave without taking this in:
A Technical/Solutions Presentation...
Meats and Marinades: Flavor from the Inside Out

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