This may be a sentiment that each of you feel at this very moment: I need to get in shape.
Seriously, folks. I haven't broken into a sprint in two years, and even then it was against my will. I found myself dashing down the sidewalk, leather briefcase slapping against my thigh, in a desperate attempt to catch the bus. Should I have missed it, I would have had to wait three hours for the next scheduled trip. Pitiful that I find myself in this state.
It's my own fault I suppose. My fabulously old uncle counseled me to take my motorbike in for repairs months ago, but I paid no heed. The motorbike, a gold 1971 Honda CB500, had carried me to and fro for more than a decade without issue. I had confidence in its everlasting life. I was wrong.
My unfounded faith placed me at the whims of the city bus schedule, and ultimately at the will of my childhood friend and current neighbor Sherwood Day. I do not want to bore you with details of my pleading with and waiting for Sherwood to act as chauffeur -- I know I am in no place to make demands -- but suffice it to say, I have lost many moments of my otherwise happy life to idle frustration, all the while stuffing my face out of boredom.
My state of health is now dreadful.
Feel for me, dear ones, as I, if called to do so, will feel for you.
Your weekly reduction!
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